DEAR DEIDRE: I DISCOVERED my husband could have an illegitimate child and I’m devastated.
She had reached out and sent him a friend request on Facebook.
At first he claimed he couldn’t fathom why she was befriending him and so I advised him to ignore it. But a few days later I spotted he was sending her messages.
When he left his phone unattended, I read she was trying to find her real dad, which hit me hard.
I am 55 and my husband is 57. We have been happily married for 33 years and have two grown-up children, aged 27 and 30.
This woman is 31 so it didn’t take a genius to work out that if he was the dad, he’d been unfaithful.
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I soon realised this girl’s mum was my husband’s bookkeeper from years ago.
My world fell apart and I decided to confront him.
He admitted that in the early years of our marriage he had cheated for six months with this woman. But he insisted he broke it off because he didn’t want to lose me.
He says he didn’t know he had a child.
I am heartbroken. I can’t eat or sleep and I cry all the time. My mind won’t switch off. I am driving myself crazy and feel like my marriage has been wrecked.
My husband is trying hard to make things right, but the trust issue is massive.
He says he doesn’t want anything to do with his possible daughter.
Now he wants to put it all in the past, but to me it feels as though it happened yesterday.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You’ve had a horrible shock but don’t lose sight of the happy life you have shared with your husband for more than 30 years.
Your husband must understand that you are reeling and you will need to have regular reassurance until your trust returns.
You have to decide whether, over time, you can move on from this.
My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will help.
You only have this woman’s word that she is your husband’s daughter.
Insist on a DNA test via a reputable service such as cellmark.co.uk.
Remember, if she is your husband’s daughter, none of this is her fault.
She is also your children’s half-sister and they may want to know her.
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